Let’s be real. Plain. Honest. Real.
Sometimes we all want to throw our hands up. Sometimes we want to quit. Sometimes we want to hide in the closet or under the table alone. For a long time. Because EVERYONE HAS SOMETHING….
No one’s life is easy. The trick for me is realizing that and moving on.
Yep, some days I throw a fit right here in my house. Some days I am sad and overwhelmed. Some days I even cry, like here (http://wp.me/p2qi4v-10g)
But, the rule is about 15 minutes. I am allowed to have a pity party for about 15 minutes. (Sometimes that 15 minutes happens again, and again – but not usually.) Because then, I have to put on my big girl panties and make it work.
We play a lot of games of perspective here. We work on looking at things another way. “Flipping it…” so to speak, to try to get through.
The end of school is a crazy time for us. It’s supposed to be a time to rest, and unwind. But, really, it’s just shifting gears. Most of our doctors keep us on a “Six month leash,” so we do our best to schedule one round the very beginning of July. This way if anyone needs anything else there is time before school starts again. The other cycle is distributed around February vacation and school holidays. The only problem with this is it grossly limits the number of ACTUAL holidays there are in our lives. There is a good deal of “Go, go, go…”
Despite our occasional “preteen issues” my daughter is insanely easy to please. She wants to swim. She wants to act. She wants to read. She wants to watch tv. She wants to socialize with children preteens who are nice to be around. She wants to eat good, safe food, (cooked by her father not me!)
What she’d prefer not to do is sit. In the car. On the BQE. On the LIE. In the waiting room. In the exam room. Over, and over and over. Yet, still she handles it gracefully. She packs her own bag with a variety of things to occupy her time, and some snacks too. She really does not complain. (Except maybe if there’s a needle…)
What I try to do is spare her some appointments any chance I get. So when mine come up I try to leave her behind, and that’s what I did yesterday and today.
See, between us, there will be 15 appointments in two weeks, ending this Thursday.
This morning I made my 3rd trip to Manhattan in the last 7 days, but yesterday and today I drove alone. Meghan was tucked away at camp. Happy as could be.
I sat in the car, alone. The 20 or so miles never take less than an hour, so the luxury of satellite radio, and my green tea, (plus and e+Shot when I need it) are all mine to savor as we inch along.
I noticed today I was very calm. This life, this Cowden’s Syndrome life, is overwhelming, monotonous, and sometimes very stressful. But, it’s our life. Not glad by any means, but grateful that this load has been bearable thus far.
Some of our doctors could stand to be replaced, but many are stellar.
We are looked at so carefully all the time, that the chances of us missing something important have drastically decreased.
We have real life conversations, about real life problems, and we handle them with A LOT of humor.
We have a home that is full of love, and a witty, intelligent, young lady growing here.
We have two steady jobs.
We are able to vacation, and enjoy a few extras along the way.
We have become adept at navigating the bumpy road as a unit, not just Meghan and I, but her Dad as well. We are a team of three.
We have found nutritional products that keep us energized and strong as we brave the storms.
We are often dubbed the “healthiest looking sick people.” A comment that always makes me smile.
Some people like to use the word “blessed.” I have some trouble with that. If you are the person amidst terrible tragedy, are you then to feel you are not “blessed?” I may have a few questions for God, but the God I believe in doesn’t work that way.
Grateful – feeling or showing an appreciation of kindness; thankful
Now I do believe that there is always room for gratitude. There is ALWAYS something to be thankful for. For us, there is OFTEN a LOT to be thankful for.
Gratitude is not about always being happy, and life always being perfect.
“Gratitude consists of being more aware of what you have, than what you don’t” – Unknown
Even as we journey daily BEATINGCOWDENS, I am striving for an “attitude of gratitude,” for myself and my own sanity, but also for my daughter, who watches and learns from breath I take.
